I thought it would be easy to get back on track with Weight Watchers and running after the holidays. A new year means a fresh start. But I've been bogged down in negative thinking, focusing on all the ways I failed to reach my goals during 2013. I thought I'd have lost more weight by the time December ended than I have, I thought I'd be further along in my running training than I am and instead of being proud of the things I have accomplished, I've been letting my negativity take over.
In 2013 I went from being 303 pounds when I joined Weight Watchers in May to 263 pounds. I need to feel proud of that fact.
I get overwhelmed very easily and right now I am overwhelmed by everything. I am overwhelmed by money woes and working two different jobs and potentially a third, and trying to find time and energy to go to the gym when it's minus ten degrees out and I am exhausted and freezing and trying to eat right but failing because I want cookies and pizza. And when I get overwhelmed. instead of taking small steps towards tackling everything, I tend to bury my head in the sand and ignore everything. So now it's the 13th of January and I weigh 266 pounds and I have done none of the things I said I was going to do when 2014 started.
What I know works for me is to talk about it so I'm hoping to get into a routine of blogging so I can sort out the mess in my head that weighs me down.
I've gone to the gym two days in a row, I've stayed within my Weight Watchers points for two days in a row and that's a better place to be in then last week when I hadn't exercised in days and couldn't stop eating everything.
I have two major goals for 2014.
I want to reach the goal I set for myself of losing a hundred pounds. My initial goal is 200, which would be a total loss of 103 pounds. I want to do it to prove to the super negative voice in my head that I can do it.
I want to complete a half marathon. On days like today when running for fifteen minutes felt impossible, I wonder if this is something I'll actually ever accomplish. I don't know. But I'd like to keep trying.
I do have a couple short term goals I've set for myself.
The first is to finally get my 50 pound charm from Weight Watchers. I've been in the 260s since September. I am tired of going up and down, I want to move forward and get out of the 260s for good.
I also want to run the Shamrock Shuffle again this year. It's the 5k race I completed in 2012, my very first 5k ever. I ran it in about 55 minutes. My goal this year is to run it in under 40 minutes. I've been doing some speed training at the gym. It's two months away and if I keep running and keep training, I'll be able to do it.
Other things I've been thinking about are taking on mini challenges, like seven days without sugar, seven days without soda, seven days without eating out. These are things I struggle with but that feel too overwhelming to try to do a longer challenge. I saw this somewhere on Tumblr.
Virgo: This year you will be able to float, you’ll be able to soar, you’ll have strength beyond anything you ever expected. This year you’ll be able to do anything you want. Focus on the steel in your bones and focus on the warmth in your heart. You have everything you’ll need to go big, to live well, to find a space for yourself in the world you most want to live in. Trust yourself and see where it takes you. Dream about colors. Grow plants on your porch, on your windowsill, in a quiet little pot on your desk.It gave me the chills. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I don't tend to put much stock in horoscopes, my sister and I are both Virgos and we couldn't be more different. But this one made me feel like it was written for me. I'm ready.
Happy belated New Year. 2014 is going to be a good one.
Loey, I'll be your cheerleader if you'll be mine! One of my goals this year is to get in better shape. For me, that doesn't mean a specific weight, but rather that I feel good about my body, have strength and stamina to do the things that bring me joy, and run my first 5k (in April). I read somewhere recently that specific goals are great -- they give you something concrete to aim for -- but, they also can make you feel really bad if you don't meet them, or if you meet them and then regress. My hope for both of us this year is that we can be kinder to ourselves, encouraging to each other, and forgive our bodies when they let us down. Love you, sweet friend.
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