Ups and downs and around and around

This week has been such a struggle and a constant reminder that life is full of good things and bad things all at once, all the time.

I had my first week weigh in at Weight Watchers this morning.



Yes, I lost 9.8 pounds. It is a huge number and I feel proud, but I'm more proud of what it represents. For the first time in my thirty-one years, when life got hard, instead of hiding in bed, eating over it, doing whatever I could to ignore it, I faced it down. I did what I needed to do to keep myself going.

I can stop being vague about what's going on now. Yesterday I learned I lost my job. The mistake I made on Friday put me on leave until a decision could be made. So now I'm living with the consequences and that is really uncomfortable. But I keep imagining how much worse I would feel right now if I hadn't spent the last week running and counting points and cooking healthy meals and re-writing my resume and cleaning my kitchen and doing all these things I don't want to do but in the end will make this whole situation bearable.

It's hard or me to talk about because I'm embarrassed and so regretful that I had a wonderful job and I lost it. But I'm writing about it here because this is my space to share and secrets make me feel like I'm a child again. I hate secrets. They are toxic and I'm trying to rid myself and my life of things that are toxic.

I saw this on Tumblr just now. I really needed to see it.